14 Feb

so this weekend did not turn out toooo bad wrt eating. Friday night we braaied the chicken and sausage so i had a wing plus a piece of sausage and a little bean and banana salad.  Saturday i had Keanu's left over bread with ham and cheese that i toasted and for lunch i had a very big slice of lemon meringue :( but it tasted so good! Saturday night we braaied snoek with our neighbors and it tasted divine. a little prior to that at home i had a toasted chicken and mayo though...so i didn’t have to much of the fish. i did however have three brandy's with coke and obviously that was a lot of calories. Sunday morning i made a huge breakfast, bacon, eggs, toast, tomato, mushrooms & grated cheese, but i only had one slice of bread with 2 slices of bacon and 1 egg on it. (and mushrooms and tomato)
For lunch & supper combined, Christo bought hamburgers at Burger Fair. that was it.
today : never had breakfast but just had a toasted cheese, tomato and Onion on whole-wheat. cup of coffee with sugar replacement. and now i have a large glass of ice water waiting to be consumed.
I started with the Solal HCA Appetite control and the Unique tablets, i cant remember the name but they are to be used for metabolic rate increase and protein absorption.
this morning i was 84.5 so the weight isnt up but its not down neither.

i am so depressed about my weight but i just cant seem to stick to doing this right.
i need some serious help
:(
i am trying though

February 11

So last night hubby and i took the kids to the beach for somebody boarding..it was such a beautiful evening. as Suné jumped around in the shallow water, kicking about and totally filled with joy; brother body boarding with daddy a little deeper into the water, i couldn’t help but think what i have done to deserve such beautiful and perfect kids. they fulfill me in every way and i just want to get all emotional when i look at them sometimes.
so daddy decides he no longer wants to braai because its too nice down by the beach. back into the kombi we hop and daddy takes us to KFC. seeing that money is a bit tight this time of the year we decided on a family meal which was only R89.99, inclusive of a 1L coke. i had two of the 6 wings, a little chips and four bites of the mash...so i really didnt eat a lot. My friend came around at about 21:00 to bring me some chicken pie that she made, and i had a couple of bites of that...it was really great. but still i did not overeat nor did i eat more than 500 calories, so i should be good.
this morning i was 84.5kg. for breakfast i had half of a cheese and ham snackwich and half a cup of coffee. (with 1 sugar and low fat milk)
i bought the rest of the pie to work for lunch but Josh wanted to get something for lunch so he bought me a cheese and salami pie and i bought myself a raspberry cool drink. i have had half of the pie so far but contemplating the rest... i know i shouldnt eat it :(  now i have the chicken pie and the cheese and salami pie right here on my desk looking at me and it just seems so inviting... let me see how far i can go without it.
i swear i am going to start those pills on Monday. i just have to. i cannot look at myself anymore. i am so uncomfortable but i just cant help myself. Why does this stupid site not have spell check? i in small letters is so stupid and i dont feel like making I every time.
darnit.

12:22

i can smell people eating pies in the office.
i want one
now
:(

10 Feb - menu

Menu for the day

Breakfast @ 7:30am
1 slice of white bread with fishpaste (the kids had some for breakfast and it just smelt so gooood!)
1/2 cup of coffee with 1 1/2 sugar

Hungry again...
1 slice whole wheat with marmite
Cup of coffee : sugar replacement

Lunch
Whole wheat bread
tuna and little mayo
cucumber
tomato

Supper
Braai chicken and sausage

10 FEB Thursday

So last night was supposed to be my "off"night. i had arranged with Christo two nights ago to cook... i give him a clean kitchen. he gives me a clean kitchen after he's cooked... mmmm...well anyways, he made steak cubes with mash and because i dont eat mash, i decided to not eat all... but hunger came over me about 20:30 and i devoured the last of the mac and cheese(also only a side plate, maybe less)

instead of me having the off night though, i had 7 visitors!
Lofty (known him for 11 years. 1 man = 10 children = 9 mothers. NB:No child support!)
Barry (neighbour. was thrown out of his house with an interdict his wife got against him)
Juba (The Jew. an old family friend of my husband and also use to work with my mum in the police)
Anne (juba's wife)
Christina (My dearest friend :))
Colleen (Neighbor, and friend)
So yeah, the relaxing evening i had in mind did not turn out as such.
Ronel (came to fetch movies, and her and her son Dayyan stayed a bit)

But alas... i like getting visitors and it was nice having peeps over :)

15:18

JUST HAD A MARMITE WHOLE WHEAT SANDWICH WITH A CUP OF TEA. I STILL FEEL HUNGRY.
TOMORROW I AM GOING TO TRY MY VERY BEST TO STICK TO A BALANCED MEAL AND WILL PACK MY LUNCH RIGHT. I HAVE ALL THE RIGHT FOOD AT HOME NOW.

failed to mention i have cholesterol of 6.8 and apparently thats not so good. will have to amend my eating ways very very quickly.

christo is making steak for supper. i think i will make me some liver and onions.

14:33

I was so full after the fruit... that i actually thought  : why am i doing this? approx 30min later i found myself going to the vending machine... I NEED A CHOCOLATE... but the vending machine is out of order. no other shops anywhere nearby...so now i am contimplating a cup of hot chocolate. i know i shouldnt have it, but i never finish a cup as its too creamy (i am mild lactose intolerant) and the fact that its 31' outside surely doesnt make it sound very appetising... but i do have that sweet tooth now... and i still have the antibiotics to take...(bladder and womb infection. Day 3 of taking antibiotics. will be done by Saturday morning)

i wish i didnt think about food ever.

Breakfast and Lunch : Wednesday

Breakfast @ 10:35
saucer of mac and cheese with half a tomato and three slices cucumber

Lunch 
Saucer of tomato stew

Watermelon & sweetmelon for a snack

no water as yet. will get a glass right now...

Today

Today is the 9 of February 2011 and i am still the same weight that i was when i gave birth to my son almost 7 years ago. I have tried to lose the weight so many times! i am currently 18 kg overweight and it feels like everyday i am just getting bigger and bigger. (although the scale says i am the same)

I am miserable about my weight. My husband says he still finds me attractive but i know that he dislikes the way i look...i mean 11years ago i was a size 32!

I did lose some weight about 10 months ago before i got married... I weighed 91kg and came down to 81.7... but it wasn’t long and i picked up  almost 4kg again. and as you can imagine 4kg heavier and I look like I don’t fit in my pants. Well i do fit in my pants. they just sit rather tight and i don’t feel comfortable at all. 

So...this morning i decided that i will Google some weight loss stories...you know, to inspire me or what ever... and came across someone who blogged about their weight loss. and then i thought it sounds like an idea... write down what i have eaten, check my weight loss/gain... and so i will be able to track exactly what i am doing right or wrong. 

Starting with today:

I have had nothing to eat so far and its 10:02am. although i have a half a cup of cold coffee with full fat milk(that’s all they supply at work. BUT i promise to bring my own 2% milk to work as of tomorrow) and with two and a half teaspoons of sugar(its a relatively large cup). Also do note that i do have sugar replacement in my drawer so i have no excuse.

i also have some high fibre bran in my desk drawer but i won’t eat it if i don’t have a banana cause it just tastes kak. so scrap the cereal for today and put the wholegrain bread and banana on my shopping list. i will get that at the shop in about an hour's time.

i have a small portion macaroni and cheese (consisting of bacon and mushroom, and cheese sauce) and a green salad in the fridge and seeing that i brought that i will just have to eat it and then correct my ways tomorrow. THIS BEHAVIOUR IS NOT TO BE REPEATED AGAIN. (well i will try my best anyways:))

I am 1.67m so my ideal weight is suppose to be between 63 - 70kg.

So lets do this.

I want to lose 16kg.

I weigh approx 85kg.

I want to weight 69kg(70kg is just not good enough)

Wish me luck!