14 Feb

so this weekend did not turn out toooo bad wrt eating. Friday night we braaied the chicken and sausage so i had a wing plus a piece of sausage and a little bean and banana salad.  Saturday i had Keanu's left over bread with ham and cheese that i toasted and for lunch i had a very big slice of lemon meringue :( but it tasted so good! Saturday night we braaied snoek with our neighbors and it tasted divine. a little prior to that at home i had a toasted chicken and mayo though...so i didn’t have to much of the fish. i did however have three brandy's with coke and obviously that was a lot of calories. Sunday morning i made a huge breakfast, bacon, eggs, toast, tomato, mushrooms & grated cheese, but i only had one slice of bread with 2 slices of bacon and 1 egg on it. (and mushrooms and tomato)
For lunch & supper combined, Christo bought hamburgers at Burger Fair. that was it.
today : never had breakfast but just had a toasted cheese, tomato and Onion on whole-wheat. cup of coffee with sugar replacement. and now i have a large glass of ice water waiting to be consumed.
I started with the Solal HCA Appetite control and the Unique tablets, i cant remember the name but they are to be used for metabolic rate increase and protein absorption.
this morning i was 84.5 so the weight isnt up but its not down neither.

i am so depressed about my weight but i just cant seem to stick to doing this right.
i need some serious help
:(
i am trying though

February 11

So last night hubby and i took the kids to the beach for somebody boarding..it was such a beautiful evening. as Suné jumped around in the shallow water, kicking about and totally filled with joy; brother body boarding with daddy a little deeper into the water, i couldn’t help but think what i have done to deserve such beautiful and perfect kids. they fulfill me in every way and i just want to get all emotional when i look at them sometimes.
so daddy decides he no longer wants to braai because its too nice down by the beach. back into the kombi we hop and daddy takes us to KFC. seeing that money is a bit tight this time of the year we decided on a family meal which was only R89.99, inclusive of a 1L coke. i had two of the 6 wings, a little chips and four bites of the mash...so i really didnt eat a lot. My friend came around at about 21:00 to bring me some chicken pie that she made, and i had a couple of bites of that...it was really great. but still i did not overeat nor did i eat more than 500 calories, so i should be good.
this morning i was 84.5kg. for breakfast i had half of a cheese and ham snackwich and half a cup of coffee. (with 1 sugar and low fat milk)
i bought the rest of the pie to work for lunch but Josh wanted to get something for lunch so he bought me a cheese and salami pie and i bought myself a raspberry cool drink. i have had half of the pie so far but contemplating the rest... i know i shouldnt eat it :(  now i have the chicken pie and the cheese and salami pie right here on my desk looking at me and it just seems so inviting... let me see how far i can go without it.
i swear i am going to start those pills on Monday. i just have to. i cannot look at myself anymore. i am so uncomfortable but i just cant help myself. Why does this stupid site not have spell check? i in small letters is so stupid and i dont feel like making I every time.
darnit.

12:22

i can smell people eating pies in the office.
i want one
now
:(

10 Feb - menu

Menu for the day

Breakfast @ 7:30am
1 slice of white bread with fishpaste (the kids had some for breakfast and it just smelt so gooood!)
1/2 cup of coffee with 1 1/2 sugar

Hungry again...
1 slice whole wheat with marmite
Cup of coffee : sugar replacement

Lunch
Whole wheat bread
tuna and little mayo
cucumber
tomato

Supper
Braai chicken and sausage

10 FEB Thursday

So last night was supposed to be my "off"night. i had arranged with Christo two nights ago to cook... i give him a clean kitchen. he gives me a clean kitchen after he's cooked... mmmm...well anyways, he made steak cubes with mash and because i dont eat mash, i decided to not eat all... but hunger came over me about 20:30 and i devoured the last of the mac and cheese(also only a side plate, maybe less)

instead of me having the off night though, i had 7 visitors!
Lofty (known him for 11 years. 1 man = 10 children = 9 mothers. NB:No child support!)
Barry (neighbour. was thrown out of his house with an interdict his wife got against him)
Juba (The Jew. an old family friend of my husband and also use to work with my mum in the police)
Anne (juba's wife)
Christina (My dearest friend :))
Colleen (Neighbor, and friend)
So yeah, the relaxing evening i had in mind did not turn out as such.
Ronel (came to fetch movies, and her and her son Dayyan stayed a bit)

But alas... i like getting visitors and it was nice having peeps over :)

15:18

JUST HAD A MARMITE WHOLE WHEAT SANDWICH WITH A CUP OF TEA. I STILL FEEL HUNGRY.
TOMORROW I AM GOING TO TRY MY VERY BEST TO STICK TO A BALANCED MEAL AND WILL PACK MY LUNCH RIGHT. I HAVE ALL THE RIGHT FOOD AT HOME NOW.

failed to mention i have cholesterol of 6.8 and apparently thats not so good. will have to amend my eating ways very very quickly.

christo is making steak for supper. i think i will make me some liver and onions.

14:33

I was so full after the fruit... that i actually thought  : why am i doing this? approx 30min later i found myself going to the vending machine... I NEED A CHOCOLATE... but the vending machine is out of order. no other shops anywhere nearby...so now i am contimplating a cup of hot chocolate. i know i shouldnt have it, but i never finish a cup as its too creamy (i am mild lactose intolerant) and the fact that its 31' outside surely doesnt make it sound very appetising... but i do have that sweet tooth now... and i still have the antibiotics to take...(bladder and womb infection. Day 3 of taking antibiotics. will be done by Saturday morning)

i wish i didnt think about food ever.